The mystical location on websites where advertisers want their ads to appear. Originally referred to physical newspapers, which folded in half and made money from advertising. Today, newspapers don’t have advertisers and just fold.
Faster results.
Poaching talent through the acqhire model isn’t just for giant consumer-facing web services.
A method by which the rapacious captains of Silicon Valley recruit crewmembers. Entrepreneurs fall asleep drunk on riches and wake up working for AOL. If your corporate practices can accurately be described by a word this ugly, there is something deeply wrong.
We need to come away from this meeting with a list of action items.
Task. Also, an up-and-coming band out of New Jersey.
Her feedback didn’t relate to anything actionable.
Specific, doable, or achievable.
Provide insights or opinions.
Purchase and use, as when businesses adopt new technology or Madonna adopts children from Malawi.
Blurb or plug.
Legalized prostitution for writers and journalists. Ad.
It was the aha moment that turned him into a budding entrepreneur—one who understands his target market.
A surprising realization. The time where a douche proclaims, “Eureka!” despite how many times you’ve told them the thing they finally realized.
Agreement or understanding.
Individual investor. Plural Cabal.
Rather than settle for quick-fix solutions that may prove to be more costly in the long term, companies should architect their entire solution before beginning a project.
Design, plan, or determine. Architect is not a verb and you are not Howard Roark.
FYI, I’m going to need those reports ASAP.
In an unreasonable amount of time. Quickly.
Quickly.
After all or in conclusion.
We don’t care, but our lawyers do.
Real, truthful, or sincere. A state of being attainable only through confronting the inevitability of one’s own ultimate death.
Wrote or written by.
“Don’t sweat the details,” the salesman told the client. “Our developers can automagically load the user’s info from a cookie!”
Cool, right?!? (We have no idea how the engineers are going to make this work.) Mysteriously automated.
Oh, I’m sorry, were you saying something?
The change of cost of goods is already baked into the consumer price.
Part of; included.
Can you give me the ballpark cost for this job?
An estimate or guess. Larger and less accurate than a guesstimate.
I’d love to help you with your project, but we just don’t have the bandwidth right now.
The diameter of a urethra.
A year that sucked slightly less than most.
Obstacle or deterrent.
We had a solution all ready for the client. We just had to baxtraoplate what their problem really was, and then staple on the solution.
Derive requirements from a predetermined solution; make shit up.
Reinforce or strengthen.
They don’t like the ad placement since it is below the fold.
Where marketers fear to tread. The lower part of a browser window. A place at which plenty of people—who can operate scroll bars, thank you very much—manage to arrive.
The least crappy of a purposely skewed set of competitors.
Best. Significantly superior to the competition, or most expensive.
Utilizing industry best practices, we’ve generated a contingency model that should represent an acceptable ameliorative strategy.
Method, process, or technique (often borrowed from a competitor).
In August of 2009, I blogged about the death of the big idea. It caused some controversy and stirred some strong sentiment in the comments section.
One clear, overarching point or message, particularly as the focus of an ad campaign. It is generally invoked posthumously to convey that the speaker is a forward-thinking iconoclast.
Brief release granted from conference-room incarceration, allowing you to piss out all the creative juices accumulated in your pelvis. Break.
Small.
New, risky technology.
We need a blue ocean strategy; there are too many sharks in these waters.
New, untouched market.
Let’s convene for some blue sky thinking and promote innovation to solve problems that confound major change.
Imagining solutions that are only possible in a world without problems. Lazy, self-indulgent speculation passed off as “boundless creativity”.
“Boil the ocean” projects are kicked off with much fanfare, but usually die a quiet death.
Take on a project significant enough to threaten the established order. Attempt the impossible.
Please review the “Legal Provisions Relating to IETF Documents” and RFC5378 to discover the new boilerplate text that is now required.
Mindless filler; standard, formulaic text to be reused in documents; a film based on a picture book that J.J. Abrams may produce.
An inclusive culture reduces turnover and improves productivity, innovation, and teamwork—all of which improve a company’s bottom line.
Final result or outcome.
Died.
Why don’t you come by my office around 2:00 p.m., and I’ll give you a brain dump on the new project?
Everything an individual knows about a topic, shared via cerebral defecation.
A boy-genius bent on doing evil acts, accompanied by his robot dog “Skippy”.
They participated in break-out sessions to brainstorm a new plan for the district.
Toss out random ideas in order to compensate for a lack of direction.
We need to make this brochure brandactional; this really needs to pop.
Marketing.
A form of niche porn for brand managers in which a product or service connects to (or brandgages) a consumer via a variety of “touchpoints”. It is rumored that David Lynch got his start in films as a brandgageur.
Progress or get something done.
A portmanteau of “programmer” and “dickhead”.
What better way to profit from a bubble than to short the troubled sector itself.
An inflamed economic blister filled with hype instead of pus. Very ugly when it bursts.
Thank you for pointing out that issue. I’ll be sure to bubble that up.
Tell someone with more authority.
We can’t boil the ocean, so let’s start by bucketizing the deliverables and picking the low-hanging fruit.
Categorize.
A startup’s monthly conflagration of cash that only a liquidity event can quench. (Or, turning a profit. LOL)
Management had long wanted to outsource the call center to India, but the need to cut staff during the recession created a burning platform that forced them to finally do it.
A manufactured situation that creates a sense of urgency.
Frequency.
We need to calendarize another meeting to circle back on these action items.
Schedule.
Time or people.
Let’s carve out some time to discuss your TPS reports.
Savagely whittle from non-existent material.
We have some new information that you need to cascade to your teams.
Share or tell.
B2B marketers must use their automation initiatives as a catalyst for collaborating with sales.
Incentive. Motivation. Reason. Exciting thing that makes things happen, excitingly.
Problem.
Impatient.
As a change agent I’m involved in the brand building process—creatively searching for those differentiating marks that give equity to a big idea.
A colleague who feels very smug for rearranging your desk when you’re too busy working to notice.
Take a step back and chillax.
Relax (in an obviously cool way). A portmanteau of Robert California and the terrible ambient music used in product demos.
Let’s circle back in a week when we better understand all the protocols.
Revisit or discuss later.
If they question the cost of our project, we’ll circle the wagons and talk them down.
Defend an idea or decision as a group.
Describe authoritatively.
Processing time.
Revisit or discuss later.
Social co-creation gives CPS professionals the ability to embrace consumers and leverage their insight to improve existing products.
Passing design decisions along to the customer. Because everything should work like a Myspace page.
Meet to deal with the real situation and move on.
Universal integration technologies make it much easier to componentize capabilty and deploy it in different locations.
Separate, as with a system, into individual elements or parts.
An expression of joy in the event a web app has successfully charged your credit card.
Consumers consume on their terms because they control when, where and how they consume content.
Mindlessly ingest the substances delivered via television, web, or mobile phone. The primary activity media companies attribute to all human beings with functioning eyeballs.
A more sophisticated approach is required to help marketers navigate this environment, which is less linear and more complicated than the funnel suggests. We call this approach the consumer decision journey.
Selling people shit they don’t need.
The effect of people using regular consumer software or tools to get their work done, rather than heinous enterprise applications.
Undifferentiated sludge created to spackle over business problems. Often comes in buckets. Also, articles, videos, or images.
Writing.
The consultant at the meeting opined that content liberation was the best way to promote our faltering media strategy.
Giving stuff away.
Let’s get the marketing group together for a quick convo about eBusiness touchpoints.
Rap session.
I am extremely excited to become more directly involved with Fauxco again as we build upon our highly-regarded reputation in our core competency areas
The one thing we haven’t managed to fuck up as a business.
The CEO also made some moves he described as counterintuitive, shutting down the failing e-commerce site and canceling the company’s lavish holiday parties.
Based on facts or evidence, rather than on magic-gut divination.
Complete; start to finish.
Professional designer, illustrator, composer, filmmaker, or writer.
Not your magic pixel-monkey.
We should let our creative juices flow, and come up with the best solution possible.
Imagination. Disgusting image of genital ooze.
As each member of the region has certain products and services that can benefit the other members, we can effectively cross-pollinate best in class products and services across the region.
Share ideas. Terrible misuse of a biological reproductive term.
Work together or share ideas.
Steal from as many people as possible simultaneously. Also, assign an anonymous hoard to perform an important task for you.
Amazon.com is so crushing it that its stock is worth almost triple the infamous $400 price target.
Doing well or succeeding. A phrase beloved by day traders and brogrammers.
Edit or choose.
In part two of our five-hour webinar, we’ll discuss curb appeal, an important issue many of us overlook when creating websites, blogs, and social media accounts.
Presentation. A product’s salability and flashiness, usually in the trade show circuit. In its original context, the term refers to the attractiveness of a house or commercial property.
So now that you’ve completed the preso, you have more cycles to work on your deadline, right?
Time.