Data-driven
I hope to align the core values of the organization by catalyzing the team’s organic passion for data-driven solutioneering.
Unsucked:
Produced by assailing a lack of insight with a barrage of numbers.
Dataviz
Unsucked:
Data visualization. A garish animated chart produced from sketchy information—frequently to placate a trend-sniffing executive.
Decision/Decisioned (v.)
I’ll finish the proposal up right now and it should be decisioned within the next couple of days.
Unsucked:
Decide. Unless you are talking about boxing.
Deck
Unsucked:
Presentation or slides.
Deep Dive
Unsucked:
Focus on or explore details.
Deliverable
Unsucked:
Piece of a project.
Delta
Unsucked:
Change or difference.
Deploy
Unsucked:
Move troops into position for military action, you know, because Sun Tzu is your homeboy.
Designovation
Unsucked:
Because a crap portmanteau is a great substitute for clear thinking and strong writing.
Digerati
The Web 2.0 Summit drew the who’s who of the digerati to San Francisco this week.
Unsucked:
“I’ve kept every single issue of Wired from the 90′s.”
Disambiguate
Unsucked:
Clarify or define.
Disconnect (n.)
Unsucked:
Confusion or lack of communication.
Disincentivize
We really need to disincentivize people taking their vacations. I suggest mandating a lengthy approval procedure.
Unsucked:
Discourage.
Diversify
Unsucked:
Change or add variety.
Diversity
Unsucked:
We’ve been hiring white dudes for such a long time, we need a handbook for interacting with other people.
DNA
Perhaps of interest to other practitioners in the translation of the Journey Maps into the DNA of the organization is the successful work we have done in bringing it all to life.
Unsucked:
Values. Company culture. A term favored by those exalted thinkers striving to earn their PhDouche.
Dog and Pony Show
That salesman was putting on a dog and pony show.
Unsucked:
Elaborate or contrived presentation.
Dog’s Breakfast
Unsucked:
Mess.
Done Deal
Unsucked:
Finished.
dot-com
Unsucked:
A suffix.
Double-click
Please double-click on that item for our next meeting.
Unsucked:
Smack someone on the head twice in rapid succession. Focus on or explore details. Investigate or elaborate.
Dovetail
The launch of this new annuity will dovetail nicely with our current project in which we sell overpriced mutual funds to the elderly and infirm.
Unsucked:
Fit together.
Download You
Unsucked:
Fill you in.
Downsize, Downsizing
Because of market attrition and revenue shortfalls, your department will be downsized.
Unsucked:
Layoffs or firings.
Downstream
Unsucked:
Later or after production.
Drill Down
Unsucked:
Focus on or explore details.
Drink from the Firehose
We should break this up so they don’t have to drink from the firehose.
Unsucked:
Get overwhelmed (with information).
Drink the Kool-Aid
Unsucked:
Follow blindly.
Due Diligence
We need to make sure we do our due diligence on these items so nothing slips through the cracks.
Unsucked:
Be careful. Research. Look at options.
Dynamic
We need a dynamic presentation to sell our new product.
Unsucked:
Pointlessly animated, as though to indicate the presence of something interesting or useful. Changing arbitrarily. Twitchy. Possibly seizure inducing. Also, having the characteristics of Batman and Robin.
Early Adopter
Unsucked:
A particularly smug sub-species of guinea pig.
Eat Your Own Dog Food
Unsucked:
Use your company’s products. Drinking the Kool-Aid helps the dog food go down. Shortened variant: dogfooding.
eCommerce
Unsucked:
Online sales.
Edutainment
The game contains contextual, character-based edutainment.
Unsucked:
Entertaining educational media. Frequently neither.
Efforting
I like “efforting” better than “trying”. Trying implies an ethical, moral component. Like, if you are a bad person you don’t try hard and if you are good you do try hard. I like the non-judgment of “efforting”.
Unsucked:
Trying, as in trying to destroy the English language. Working. Putting in the effort.
Electrons
Can you send me the electrons after this meeting?
Unsucked:
Digital file or document. Soft copy.
Elephant in the Room
She is never afraid to call out the elephant in the room.
Unsucked:
Obvious, overlooked problem.
Elevator Pitch
Unsucked:
Brief, persuasive summary. Particularly one tailored to an influential audience trapped with the speaker in a small, windowless box suspended from a cable with no obvious escape route.
Empower
Unsucked:
Assign a menial or unpleasant responsibility to someone, particularly to a low-status individual or group.
End-to-End
Unsucked:
Complete; start to finish.
Engage
Unsucked:
Involve.
Escalate
Since we weren’t able to find an appropriate solution within our team, we’ll have to escalate the issue.
Unsucked:
Tell someone with more authority.
Evergreen Relationship
Unsucked:
Enduring or ongoing relationship.
ExCo
We need to put this through the ExCo before it can get approved.
Unsucked:
Executive committee.
Eyeballs
As part of the Ten Million Eyeballs online marketing course, I will teach you more than 20 ways to cash in on the traffic and impressions you will create.
Unsucked:
Synecdoche for “readers” or “viewers”. Unit of currency among douchebags.
Face Time
Unsucked:
Putting in an appearance in person. Also: FaceTime, an app for announcing sentimental life events by video conference.
Facilitate
Unsucked:
Help.
FAIL!
Unsucked:
Frequent, almost automatic, ejaculation of spiteful layabouts, particularly in response to a novel product or idea.
Fast Track
We need to fast track this project to get it live by January 1.
Unsucked:
Accelerate. Rush. Steamroll reason and prudence in the achievement of one’s singular aim.
Fill Your Boots
Unsucked:
Help yourself.
Findings
Unsucked:
Conclusions.
finesse (v.)
Unsucked:
Mask one’s lack of preparation with fancy talk and hand waving. Gloss over.
Fire Drill, Firedrill
We should leverage some best practices so we can avoid a fire drill going forward.
Unsucked:
Unexpected, chaotic activity.
Flag
I just want to flag that the client will be out of the office until next Tuesday.
Unsucked:
Warn, mention, or announce.
Flesh Out
Good start. Why don’t we flesh it out and see where we can go with this.
Unsucked:
Complete. Add details or expand. Often confused with the term “flush out.”
Forward-thinking
Unsucked:
Willing and able to make shit up on the fly.
Freemium
Unsucked:
Positioning a product or service as free, but holding back the useful stuff until the customer pays up. An adaptation allowing an internet-based business to survive an extremely harsh business environment. Extortion.
Recently Added
Necessary Trouble
Troubled: Advice for Exclamatory E-mails
My question is about exclamations versus periods in e-mails. I personally use exclamation marks but have known people to think they come off as overeager, overly casual, or insincere. What do you think?