data-driven

I hope to align the core values of the organization by catalyzing the team’s organic passion for data-driven solutioneering.

Unsucked:

Produced by assailing a lack of insight with a barrage of numbers.

dataviz

Unsucked:

Data visualization. A garish animated chart produced from sketchy information—frequently to placate a trend-sniffing executive.

deal flow

Right now we are in the ‘Goldilocks’ phase of the angel-entrepreneur-VC market cycle, meaning we are seeing a significant spurt in deal flow.

Unsucked:

The sufficiency of an open sewer to power a rich man’s windmill.

decimate

Irrespective of the legalities involved, taking this course of action will almost certainly decimate any remaining trust and goodwill.

Unsucked:

Stop, just stop. You know it means “to remove 10%”, but you keep using it for “destroy”. Why do people habitually turn to this deceitful bit of math disguised as English when there are so many more satisfying terms? Abolish. Annihilate. Crush. Eradicate. Nullify. Obliterate. Shatter. Waste. Wreck. We could go on.

The only person who has used this word correctly and artfully this century is Max Brooks in World War Z. Terrific book, by the way.

decision/decisioned (v.)

I’ll finish the proposal up right now and it should be decisioned within the next couple of days.

Unsucked:

Decide. Unless you are talking about boxing.

deck

Also available is the deck which you can use to follow along with our prepared remarks.

Unsucked:

A flat surface that provides cover for a deep repository of shallow thinking. Presentation or slides.

deep dive

I’m really looking forward to doing a deep dive into this market to update our findings.

Unsucked:

Extensive exploration, generally one sufficiently tedious to extinguish all interest in the topic.

deliverable

Unsucked:

A line item in Microsoft Project with an associated date, but no definite referent.

delta

Has any one experienced a significant delta in touch point scores between overall satisfaction/loyalty surveys and transactional surveys?

Unsucked:

Change or difference. Typically a term used by a Beta-minus who wants to be taken for an Alpha-plus.

demographics

There is no doubt whatsoever that the demographics are not on our side.

Unsucked:

Existence and increasing political participation of women, young people, and people of color, as viewed from the perspective of old white guys accustomed to being in power.

deploy

The Paydiant solution will enable PULSE financial institution and merchant partners to quickly deploy contactless payment.

Unsucked:

Move troops into position for military action, you know, because Sun Tzu is your homeboy.

descope

Unsucked:

Pull your hand out of the cage while you still have fingers left.

designovation

Unsucked:

Because a crap portmanteau is a great substitute for clear thinking and strong writing.

Dial Up

Please dial up the red in that donate button.

Unsucked:

Increase.

Dialogue (v.)

Let’s dialogue about the problem.

Unsucked:

Talk.

digerati

The Web 2.0 Summit drew the who’s who of the digerati to San Francisco this week.

Unsucked:

“I’ve kept every single issue of Wired from the 90′s.”

Disambiguate

Unsucked:

Clarify or define.

disconnect (n.)

Unsucked:

Confusion or lack of communication.

Disincentivize

We really need to disincentivize people taking their vacations. I suggest mandating a lengthy approval procedure.

Unsucked:

Discourage.

disruptive

The process will undergo major transformation thanks to the introduction of a potentially disruptive option.

Unsucked:

Exhibiting the potential to shake things up. Despised in toddlers, feared in competitors, and projected upon one’s own lame entrepreneurial fantasies.

diversify

Unsucked:

Change or add variety.

diversity

Shareholders are acknowledging the strong business case for board diversity and expect companies to respond.

Unsucked:

We’ve been hiring white dudes for such a long time, we need a handbook for interacting with other people.

DNA

Perhaps of interest to other practitioners in the translation of the Journey Maps into the DNA of the organization is the successful work we have done in bringing it all to life.

Unsucked:

Values. Company culture. A term favored by those exalted thinkers striving to earn their PhDouche.

Dog and Pony Show

It won’t take rocket science to understand that this dog-and-pony show has been a complete waste.

Unsucked:

Elaborate or contrived presentation, not to be confused with what goes on in Tijuana. Or, perhaps it’s quite the same.

Dog’s Breakfast

Unsucked:

Mess.

Done Deal

Unsucked:

Course of action completed before anyone who disagrees has a chance to stop it.

Dorsey Horsey

“It’s just a credit card on your cell phone.” – Malcolm Gladwell

Unsucked:

One’s imaginary importance to the world based on having created a web service.

dot-com

Unsucked:

A suffix.

double-click

Please double-click on that item for our next meeting.

Unsucked:

Smack someone on the head twice in rapid succession. Focus on or explore details. Investigate or elaborate.

Dovetail

The launch of this new annuity will dovetail nicely with our current project in which we sell overpriced mutual funds to the elderly and infirm.

Unsucked:

Fit together.

Download You

Unsucked:

Fill you in.

Downsize, Downsizing

Because of market attrition and revenue shortfalls, your department will be downsized.

Unsucked:

Layoffs or firings.

Downstream

Unsucked:

Later or after production.

Drill Down

Unsucked:

Focus on or explore details.

Drink from the Firehose

We should break this up so they don’t have to drink from the firehose.

Unsucked:

Get overwhelmed (with information).

Drink the Kool-Aid

The catch-up was inevitable, but don’t drink the Zdnet kool-aid and cheer for another Google monopoly

Unsucked:

Follow blindly. (It was actually Flavor Aid in Jonestown, you know.)

Drop the Ball

You know, Doug really dropped the ball on this one.

Unsucked:

Make a major mistake.

Due Diligence

Risks, challenges and opportunities that can be uncovered through a strategic approach to market due diligence.

Unsucked:

Asking probing questions that reveal one’s ignorance and anxieties in the hope of sufficiently covering one’s ass. Also, conducting research, particularly in the form of a Google search.

dynamic

We need a dynamic presentation to sell our new product.

Unsucked:

Pointlessly animated, as though to indicate the presence of something interesting or useful. Changing arbitrarily. Twitchy. Possibly seizure inducing. Also, having the characteristics of Batman and Robin.

early adopter

When we talk to that early adopter, it’s to show them all the robust triggers and capabilities that they can configure.

Unsucked:

A  particularly smug sub-species of guinea pig.

Eat Your Own Dog Food

Unsucked:

Use your company’s products. Drinking the Kool-Aid helps the dog food go down. Shortened variant: dogfooding.

eCommerce

Unsucked:

Online sales.

ecosystem

Unsucked:

An interconnected web of stuff you don’t understand or control.

Edutainment

Its network of quality edutainment apps is funded by a Jakarta-based investment firm.

Unsucked:

Entertaining educational media. Usually neither.

efforting

I like “efforting” better than “trying”. Trying implies an ethical, moral component. Like, if you are a bad person you don’t try hard and if you are good you do try hard. I like the non-judgment of “efforting”.

Unsucked:

Trying, as in trying to destroy the English language. Working. Putting in the effort.

electrons

Can you send me the electrons after this meeting?

Unsucked:

Digital file or document. Soft copy.

Elephant in the Room

She is never afraid to call out the elephant in the room.

Unsucked:

Obvious, overlooked problem.

elevator pitch

These salesforce plugins however don’t automagically produce a thirty-second elevator pitch that is aligned with their business strategy.

Unsucked:

Brief, persuasive summary. Particularly one tailored to an influential audience trapped with the speaker in a small, windowless box suspended from a cable with no obvious escape route.

empower

The corporate world should empower vulnerable and orphaned children as they can contribute meaningfully to the development of the country.

Unsucked:

Assign a menial or unpleasant responsibility to someone, particularly to a low-status individual or group.

End of Day (EOD)

We need to get this to the client by EOD.

Unsucked:

End of the workday.

End of Week (EOW)

I need this by EOW.

Unsucked:

End of this Friday.

End-to-End

Unsucked:

Complete; start to finish.

End/Close of Play

Can you get that done by end of play?

Unsucked:

End of the workday.

Engage

Each of these findings is another guiding point in the drive for hotels to engage Millennials through amenities and technology

Unsucked:

Desperately grasp for scraps of someone’s attention, often by means of a wholly fantastical and doomed scheme.

entre-manure

After selling his company for $100 million, Bob has nothing to do but shovel entre-manure onto Facebook and goad his friends into liking it.

Unsucked:

The self-indulgent cultural product of successful company founders who have enough cash to insulate themselves from valid criticism. See: Sean Parker’s wedding and Andrew Mason’s album.

entrepreneur

Unsucked:

A rapacious organic substance that investors mix with money and spread over economically productive areas in order to grow their wealth—when overused can lead to weak ideas and eroding diversity.

Escalate

Since we weren’t able to find an appropriate solution within our team, we’ll have to escalate the issue.

Unsucked:

Tattle to the higher-ups rather than deal with the situation. Often the first step in throwing a colleague under the bus.

eventize

Fox’s emphasis next season is on “eventizing,” entertainment chief Kevin Reilly said at the network’s upfront presentation.

Unsucked:

Sadly, finding out that everyone under 35 only watches YouTube and Netflix caused TV network execs to have a stroke and start babbling gibberish.

evergreen relationship

Unsucked:

Enduring or ongoing relationship.

exciting

This exciting new webinar from our sales team really opens up opportunities in exciting verticals.

Unsucked:

Common misspelling of “existing”, particularly in press releases and company-wide announcements.

exco

We need to put this through the ExCo before it can get approved.

Unsucked:

Executive committee.

Eyeballs

As part of the Ten Million Eyeballs online marketing course, I will teach you more than 20 ways to cash in on the traffic and impressions you will create.

Unsucked:

Synecdoche for “readers” or “viewers”. Unit of currency among douchebags.

Face Time

Unsucked:

Putting in an appearance in person. Also: FaceTime, an app for announcing sentimental life events by video conference.

Facilitate

Unsucked:

Help.

FAIL!

Unsucked:

Frequent, almost automatic, ejaculation of spiteful layabouts, particularly  in response to a novel product or idea.

FAQ

I don’t know why no one can find that information—it’s all right there in the FAQ.

Unsucked:

An alternate form of “Fuck it!”, primarily used in website design.

Fast Track

We need to fast track this project to get it live by January 1.

Unsucked:

Accelerate. Rush. Steamroll reason and prudence in the achievement of one’s singular aim.

Fill Your Boots

Unsucked:

Help yourself.

Findings

Unsucked:

Conclusions.

Finesse (v.)

The main challenge was to finesse the dynamic and make it cohesive.

Unsucked:

Mask one’s lack of preparation with fancy talk and hand waving. Gloss over.

Fire Drill, Firedrill

We should leverage some best practices so we can avoid a fire drill going forward.

Unsucked:

Unexpected, chaotic activity.

Flag

I just want to flag that the client will be out of the office until next Tuesday.

Unsucked:

Warn, mention, or announce.

Flavor

I just want to get a flavor for what the project will be.

Unsucked:

Idea or impression.

Flesh Out

Good start. Why don’t we flesh it out and see where we can go with this.

Unsucked:

Complete. Add details or expand. Often confused with the term “flush out.”

forward-thinking

Unsucked:

Willing and able to make shit up on the fly.

Freemium

Unsucked:

Positioning a product or service as free, but holding back the useful stuff until the customer pays up. An adaptation allowing an internet-based business to survive an extremely harsh business environment. Extortion.