Game Changer

Unsucked:

Because occasionally you need an alternative to “paradigm shift“.

Game Plan

We need to come up with a game plan to figure out how we’re going to finish this project on time.

Unsucked:

Plan.

gamification

Unsucked:

A popular product strategy fantasy about turning every mundane task into Farmville.

Gently Toggle

Would you mind gently toggling the client for me?

Unsucked:

Get someone’s attention. Provoke a response. Send an e-mail. Fondle.

Get Down in the Weeds

Our work on the board is about being in a helicopter and not trying to get down in the weeds.

Unsucked:

Obsess on the sorry state of the lawn as Godzilla is stomping your house.

get into bed with

Unsucked:

Form a partnership. An act that may follow one party opening the kimono to another.

Get Our Ducks in a Row

We’ve got to get our ducks in a row on the Dillinger account.

Unsucked:

Organize or prepare.

Get the Ball Rolling

I need you to get the ball rolling on determining our social media strategy.

Unsucked:

Make a token productive gesture before succumbing to inertia.

girl Friday

Her liberal arts degree and aptitude for grilling would make her an ideal Girl Friday at our startup.

Unsucked:

Derogatory. The fervid delusion of casually sexist manchildren sometimes treated as a legitimate job title.

Glocal

We always need to look at the ways in which glocalization and grobalization interpenetrate.

Unsucked:

Combining sweeping generalizations and callous ignorance of specific conditions. . . with flair.

go forward plan

Unsucked:

Plan.

go social

It may be a scary prospect, but every business must go social.

Unsucked:

To augment or replace authoritative content from respected sources with a cacophony of yahoos.

go-live (adj.)

Conducting a dress rehearsal before the go-live date will help acclimate staff to the new workflow during EHR implementation.

Unsucked:

The date a product or service is released to the public, such as software or Frankenstein’s monster.

going forward

Unsucked:

In the future.

Golden Parachute

Mark Hurd pulled his Golden Parachute for 40 million after resigning from HP.

Unsucked:

Incentive to fail.

Granular

Unsucked:

Detailed.

Granularity

Hmmmmm … this report’s just a summary. I’d like to see more granularity.

Unsucked:

Detail, such as you might find in a photo taken with Kodak Disc film.

graph search

At least some analysts say that Graph Search has the potential to close the gap by creating a virtuous feedback loop between advertisers and Facebook users.

Unsucked:

“Morals reformed – health preserved – industry invigorated, instruction diffused – public burthens lightened – Economy seated, as it were, upon a rock – the gordian knot of the Poor-Laws are not cut, but untied – all by a simple idea in Architecture!

greenfield

Our subsidiary has revealed further problems with one of the greenfield projects it inherited through its takeover of a rival group.

Unsucked:

The wide open landscape where you start digging little graves for all your blue-sky ideas.

Greenwashing

Greenwashing indicates that progress has been made in recent years about environmental standards.

Unsucked:

Superficially eco-friendly. Disingenuous marketing ploys to make a company seem more ecologically aware than it is.

growth hacker

Growth hacking comes after the early stage chaos and post-product-market-fit.

Unsucked:

A marketing professional possessed of both a penis and a case of nerd envy. Because, c’mon guys, “marketing” is a girl job.

growth strategist

If you want to go big, you need a growth strategist in the back room.

Unsucked:

Fluffer.

Guesstimate

Our latest guesstimate indicates profits will go up by 200%.

Unsucked:

Guess. Estimate. Pull out of one’s ass in a plausible manner. A key activity in the creation of a straw man.

Guru

Walk into the office of our marketing director and you know you’re dealing with a digital media guru.

Unsucked:

Expert shrouded in mystery due to lack of observable credentials.

hack

I totally hacked my way to the front of the line by acting like I belonged there. No one questioned me.

Unsucked:

To exercise or demonstrate privilege as a means of taking shortcuts or gaining access. To exploit a system that works in your favor.

hacked

Unsucked:

The state of someone’s phone and/or e-mail account after having been called out for unsolicited sexts.

Hard Stop

I want to make sure we cover everything we need to in this meeting, because I have a hard stop at 2:00.

Unsucked:

Another meeting or obligation.

heads down

I’ve been heads down on this presentation all day.

Unsucked:

Praying for enough time to squeeze in a little productive activity between meetings. Busy. Focused. Unavailable.

heads up, heads-up

I just wanted to give you a heads up. She’s on a rampage today.

Unsucked:

Warning or update.

Heavy Lifting

In our organization, reporters, not reviewers, do the heavy lifting.

Unsucked:

Work. An expression typically used by managers who don’t lift more than a Starbucks Trenta.

Helicopter View

Unsucked:

Overview.

Herding Cats

Managing this project has been like herding cats.

Unsucked:

An impossible task; a waste of time.

High-Level Overview

Before we start, let’s take a step back and give the team a high-level overview of the project.

Unsucked:

Meandering description that omits key facts.

holistic

To get the best ROI marketers must move towards incorporating a holistic approach to include assists across the marketing funnel.

Unsucked:

With regard to the whole rather than its component parts. A term used by managers who shop at Whole Foods.

Home Run

Unsucked:

An outcome that has increased the wealth and success of those in charge. A “slam-dunk” is a seemingly obvious path to a home run.

homeless

Several homeless people were being paid in bitcoin to stand in line for the new iPhone.

Unsucked:

Containing Silicon Valley’s most recently discovered renewable resource, easily convertible to human capital.

Hot Sheet

The marketing team is working on a hot sheet.

Unsucked:

Plan or list of ideas.

Housekeeping

Before we start, I have a little bit of housekeeping.

Unsucked:

Administration or management, such as discussing vacation or office policies.

Huddle

The supervisors are having huddles with the reps to let them know how to handle the product delay.

Unsucked:

Brief meeting, with a lot of butt-patting.

Human Capital

Save on your expenditures by using your own human capital, which includes time, service, and talent.

Unsucked:

People. More annoying than other forms of capital, like money.

Hunting for Elephants

Big law firms aren’t going after small clients any more; they’re hunting for elephants instead.

Unsucked:

Trying to get clients with a lot of money.

Hydration Vessel

Now you can do your part to promote a greener lifestyle—and enjoy a strikingly beautiful design in the process—with the KOR ONE hydration vessel.

Unsucked:

We all like to pretend we are on board the Enterprise. Water bottle.

I Hear What You’re Saying

Unsucked:

LA LA LA LA LA. I can’t hear you.

Idea Shower

Unsucked:

Using your imagination.

Ideate

We need to ideate on how to use social media to promote our brand.

Unsucked:

Think.

ideation

The Ideation Room is not your traditional meeting space, or “Bored” room as we like to call it. The Ideation Room space has some of the most unique and stimulating meeting room features that you’ve ever seen.

Unsucked:

Thinking. Typically very expensive blue-sky thinking that takes place in a plush, yet airless conference room.

ideation session

Unsucked:

Meeting.

Illegal Alien

Unsucked:

Person.

Impact

Unsucked:

Affect.

Impactful

I’d like to write up this report in a way that’s maximally impactful.

Unsucked:

Effective, and impressively so, considering that anyone uttering this malformed string clearly has a head injury preventing them from remembering words correctly.

In Lockstep

Unsucked:

Together or united.

In Real Life (IRL)

Unsucked:

In person.

In Spades

Unsucked:

A lot.

In the a.m.

Unsucked:

In the morning.

In-flight

Unsucked:

Active.

inbox me

If you are interested in pursuing this opportunity, or know of anyone who is, please inbox Ted and cc me.

Unsucked:

A verb phrase meaning “Please hit me upside the face with a letter tray until I agree to stop debasing our noble language.” From Middle English boxen, to beat.

Incentivize

We need to incentivize user-generated content by validating low-effort engagement among Echo Boomers.

Unsucked:

Motivate. Encourage. Bribe.

innovate

Free Template Now Available for Companies That Want to Innovate

Unsucked:

To conceive a novel, astonishing, or unprecedented way to take credit for the work of others, particularly if it is highly profitable.

Innovative

Apple continues with its strategy of releasing innovative products at regular intervals.

Unsucked:

New. Slightly improved. Shiny.

intelligence

Unsucked:

Information, particularly that which is retrieved from another person’s trash.

Interface

You must be able to interface with customers and other employees.

Unsucked:

Talk; communicate.

Interject

Hold on little lady, can I just interject here?

Unsucked:

Interrupt whatever you’re saying to show you I was raised by wolves.

IPO

Unsucked:

Insiders Profit Outrageously. An invitation for…optimistic…members of the public to buy into the hype while early investors relish their liquidity event.

Irrational Exuberance

Unsucked:

Foolish speculation.

It Is What It Is

There’s nothing we can do about the client’s request. It is what it is.

Unsucked:

It ain’t your turn to give a fuck.