Make It Pop

This looks great, but if you can make it pop a bit more, we’ll be done here.

Unsucked:

Add cliche elements to a site’s visual design (e.g., ribbon, drop-shadow, bevel).

maker

Unsucked:

A particularly bright kindergartner.

Marketecture, Markitecture

Bob suspected he could double his commission on this sale if he could just get the client’s VP of HR to believe that adding a “Tweet This” button to the job listings would require an extra server. He got Regina in the graphics department to whip up some markitecture to make the process look glossy and complicated. The next day, he landed that fish. Way to go, Bob!

Unsucked:

Marketing ooze. Diagrams and flowcharts and technology, oh my!

massage (data)

If the information is insufficiently granular, you may have to massage the data before you have hard numbers to work with.

Unsucked:

Rigorously manipulate to produce a stream of useful output. Normalize or clean.

matrix

Unsucked:

An artificial reality construct created by MBAs to imprison the minds of those upon whom they feed.

This is a 2 x 2 matrix related to Version 1.1 the Twitter API.

Mediable

I’m not sure if our turnkey B2B solution is mediable enough to garner serious press attention.

Unsucked:

Baited for lazy bloggers by corporate hacks. Newsworthy.

meritocracy

“I would challenge anyone to find an economic ecosystem that’s more of a meritocracy than Silicon Valley.”

-Sarah Lacy

Unsucked:

A system that rewards individuals according to their merit, where “merit” is the degree to which they resemble or have connections to those already in power.

Metric

I need the latest metrics on sales.

Unsucked:

Measurement (of success). Usually about as accurate as the prediction the US would be on the so-named system by the year 2000.

microcopy

Unsucked:

Labels or instructions. Unless you truly are referring to a minuscule reproduction, use plain language to promote the effectiveness of plain language.

Milestone

Unsucked:

Piece of a project.

Mindshare

The rise of the web, and the growing power of video games, has driven revenues and mindshare ever further downward.

Unsucked:

The degree to which you have been successful in hammering your company name and logo into the squishy cerebra of susceptible consumers.

mission critical

Constructing an intuitive hierarchical classification structure for an organization’s intellectual assets is becoming mission critical.

Unsucked:

Any factor of a system whose failure will result in total operational failure. Something to keep in mind when you are pushing the envelope, space jockey.

mobile

Twitter users are increasingly opting to use mobile devices rather than their PCs.

Unsucked:

Designed to be used while sitting on the sofa watching TV, at the dinner table with friends, or on the toilet pooping.

Mocial

Unsucked:

When mobile and social get it on, ‘cos tonight, is the night, when 2 become 1. Somewhere, a douche feels a stirring in the fleshy nougat center of his muculent testicle.

Monetize

Unsucked:

Turn into money or make profitable.

morph (v.)

A lot of these technologies will morph and go places no one can predict today.

Unsucked:

Change. Transform.

Move Heaven and Earth

AT&T “will move heaven and Earth” to meet its customers’ growing data needs, AT&T Chief Technology Officer John Donovan said.

Unsucked:

Try.

Move the Needle

Unsucked:

Make progress.

Moving Forward

Moving forward, we plan to better utilize our key players.

Unsucked:

In the future, as we shuffle wearily towards oblivion.

multitasking

Multitasking has evolved from a distraction and diversion to a financial focus wherever digital content lives.

Unsucked:

Presenting the appearance of doing several things at once while accomplishing little, enjoying less, and lowering your functional IQ.

Nailing It

That last ad deal? We’re totally nailing it.

Unsucked:

Doing well or succeed.

native advertising

Native advertising is not advertorial. Instead, it contributes value to any page it graces by improving user experience and adding value for consumers.

Unsucked:

Parasites can mimic their host’s natural prey, gaining a pathway into the host when consumed. Leucochloridium, a genus of flatworm, matures in the digestive system of songbirds. Their eggs pass in the bird’s feces, which are eaten by snails. Since songbirds do not eat snails, the sporocyst-sac evolved to pulsate brightly in the snail’s eye stalk, attracting hungry songbirds and completing the cycle.

natural instincts

The part that interests me is that society is organized in such a way that the natural instincts of men are shameful and criminal.

Unsucked:

Scott Adams’ odious euphemism for a man’s urge to rape someone or expose himself which society unfairly constrains.

Negative Growth

We’ve seen some negative growth in the mp3 player market since launching our mobile device.

Unsucked:

Decline or loss, especially in sales.

Net New

Are there any net new items to discuss?

Unsucked:

New.

Net-net

We have the funding for this pilot program, but net-net, we need to increase profit margins by 300%.

Unsucked:

In summary.

Netiquette

Unsucked:

“I have a low user number on The WELL.”  Archaic. Basic courtesy, online.

new breed

This new breed of “pollinators” has become one of the most dynamic and innovative segments of our workforce.

Unsucked:

A set of things that share a banal or fictitious attribute about to be hyped into the ground.

Ninja

Unsucked:

Adequate programmer.

No-brainer

It’s a no-brainer: he’s hired.

Unsucked:

Conclusion arrived at without sufficient consideration and presented as obvious.

Nontrivial, Non-trivial

The code changes you requested are decidedly nontrivial.

Unsucked:

Difficult, time-consuming, and/or significant. The opposite of how the marketing director described the amount of work involved.

Noodle

That design doesn’t work; go back and noodle on it.

Unsucked:

Think it out.

objective

Unsucked:

Task or goal.

off the reservation

Unsucked:

Deviating from authorized behavior or [to go] out of bounds. Because that wily junior executive is just like a rogue member of an indigenous population that has been systematically confined and persecuted.

Offsite

The management team is preparing a deck for the offsite tomorrow.

Unsucked:

A trip to a picturesque location, far from your normal office, for the express purpose of being shut up in an airless conference room with your co-workers to ideate and do some visioning.

On a Go-Forward Basis

We will be leveraging core competencies across the enterprise on a go-forward basis.

Unsucked:

In the future.

On the Beach

Unsucked:

Idle. Not even on an actual beach. Just sitting there in front of a computer in a cube farm getting paid.

On the Same Page

Let’s take a step back and make sure we’re all on the same page.

Unsucked:

In agreement or understanding.

onboard, on-board

We will begin onboarding the new interns on Friday.

Unsucked:

Prepare an employee for a new job or project.

onboarding

When it comes to what aspects truly matter to employees starting a job, free food and perks are not what they crave; they want an onboarding.

Unsucked:

Very similar to waterboarding, but with new employees and company Kool-Aid.

one hundred and ten percent (110%)

Unsucked:

A nonsensical quantity of effort applied to a task in order to complete it particularly well. Why stop there? Why not ask for 145%…or 1000%? Or just put a little more thought into being specific with your instruction and encouragement. You know, get out there and give it your 110%.

Oops.

Oops! Your viability as a candidate in this election session appears to have expired. Please try again later.

Unsucked:

An interjection indicating one’s own puerile  incompetence. Appropriate for 3-year-olds. Ill-advised in either interfaces or presidential debates.

open the kimono

There is a lot of confusion about how this new product is going to affect business, so it’s time to open the kimono and make it clear where things are going to fit.

Unsucked:

Share information. Reveal. Disclose your sexual organ to the wolf.

operationalize

Businesses that operationalize customer-centricity will experience a significant lift in their KPIs.

Unsucked:

[Set fire to any document containing this term and start over.]

Opportunity

Unsucked:

Problem.

Optics

We need to be careful how we manage the optics of the crisis.

Unsucked:

Perception.

Optimize

We need to tweak the messaging to optimize the application.

Unsucked:

Improve.

Organic

The website structure will grow organically over time.

Unsucked:

Without effort. On its own (i.e., without social media douchebags interfering).

Orthogonal

That’s an orthogonal issue. Let’s table that for later.

Unsucked:

Unrelated.

out of pocket

I will be out of pocket for the week of Thanksgiving.

Unsucked:

A 1940s African-American expression referring to unacceptable or out-of-line behavior, adopted by white business people to mean “unreachable”.

Out of the Office (OOO)

Sorry, I can’t make the meeting. I’ll be OOO that day.

Unsucked:

Unavailable.

outside the box

Here are some effective Facebook Marketing Campaigns that will get you thinking outside the box!

Unsucked:

Unconventional. But in a way that won’t challenge anyone or get me fired. Also, I am too lazy to think of useful descriptors.

ownership

Transition your brand ambassadors to a position of solution ownership over the entire customer experience.

Unsucked:

Assigned responsibility for something you actually have no control over, making you the captain of the USS Scapegoat.